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Trump Haiku

by Lionel E. Deimel

 

Haiku is a convenient form for up-to-the-minute political commentary in verse. And, of course, Donald Trump offers much grist for the poetic mill. Below are haiku written for February 2017.

 

Be Careful What You Ask For

A business leader,

Something new for President.

What a big mistake!

 

 

Wall

Tremendous idea:

A wall to keep out rapists,

Avocados, too.

 

 

Spokesperson

Kellyanne Conway,

A mouthpeice for Donald Trump,

Great source of fake news.

 

 

Problem of the Popular Vote

Clinton had more votes;

Sad for Donald Trump’s ego.

Something must be wrong.

 

 

Counting Problem

Inauguration:

Many people on the Mall;

Not enough for Trump.

 

 

Obamacare

ACA is bad:

Mandates hurt the common folk;

The rich don’t need them.

 

 

Dodd-Frank

Banking regs must go;

Bankers are such trusted guys;

Nothing could go wrong.

 

 

Betsy DeVos

Education czar,

Don’t think much of public schools,

Don’t know much, either.

 

 

Doctor in the House

Surgeon Ben Carson,

Housing chief for Donald Trump.

Once lived in a house.

 

 

Charlottesville

Nazis on the march;

Clashes inevitable;

Trump blames everyone.

 

 

North Korea

Bomb and missile tests

Designed to annoy the West.

Trump jumps at the bait.

 

 

Truthfulness

Leaders sometimes lie.

Good ones try to avoid it,

But Trump seldom does.

 

  Trump and campaign slogan

 

Anyone paying attention to current events will understand the references in the above haiku. For the benefit of future generations, however, I offer a few words of explanation.

Donald Trump is a real estate magnate and reality television personality with an amazing head of hair and narcissistic personality disorder. For people who mistakenly thought that the government should be run like a business, Trump was their man. Remarkably, he was elected 45th President of the United States, though Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton received more than 2.8 million votes more than Trump. Trump claimed a “landslide” victory and, without evidence, asserted that 3 million non-citizens voted in the election illegally.

One of Trump’s campaign promises was that he would build a wall on our southern border to keep out drug runners, criminals, and rapists. He repeatedly insisted that Mexico would pay for such a wall. When Mexico showed no interest in the project, the Trump administration suggested that it might impose a 20% tariff on Mexican goods.

Kellyanne Conway became Trump’s final campaign manager and was named a Trump advisor after the election. She is adept at re-interpreting Donald Trump statements and making them seem nearly reasonable. She also makes up stuff. At a time when people are concerned about “fake news,” Conway happily made up the “Bowling Green Massacre,” an event that never happened.

Trump’s inauguration attracted many fewer people than did, for example, the 2008 inauguration of Barack Obama. Trump has insisted, contrary to all evidence, that that was not the case.

The Affordable Care Act, often referred to as Obamacare, was President Barack Obama’s signature healthcare bill. It became the chief Republican bogeyman, so, of course, Donald Trump had to oppose it and try to get rid of it as soon as possible.

The Dodd-Frank Act was passed after the disastrous banking crisis of 2008. It sought, through intelligent regulation, to prevent such a catastrophe in the future. Regulation is anathema to Republicans, so President Trump is determine to get rid of Dodd-Frank.

Trump nominated Betsy DeVos to be Secretary of Education. She is a billionaire who has contributed tens of thousands of dollars to Republican senators who would vote on her nomination. She is an advocate of charter schools and school vouchers that could be used even to pay tuition at religious schools. She has never taught, attended a public school, or sent a child to public school, and she is widely considered to be an enemy of public schools.

Ben Carson, a retired brain surgeon, was a candidate for the Republican nomination, and, failing in that endeavor, he eventually became a Trump supporter. Trump nominated him to be Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, though his interests and qualifications in this area are not apparent.

In response to violent clashes at a “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, on August 11 and 12, 2017, Trump blamed people “on many sides.” The primary provocateurs were white nationalists of various stripes and neo-Nazis, but Trump largely avoided blaming his alt-right supporters for what happened.

The early months of the Trump administration have seen repeated and successful missile tests by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. North Korea has also been testing atomic bombs, culminating in the announcement of a hydrogen bomb test on 9/3/2017. The Trump administration has responded with increasing intimations of future military strikes against North Korea. Pronouncements by the administration seem not to have intimidated Kim Jong-un, but they have scared Americans to death.

Trump seems to lie more often than not. The Washington Post, which has been keeping a running tab on his untruthfulness, reports that the president is less than forthright in his public statements on average almost five times a day.

The first nine poems were written 2/7/2017, shortly after Donald Trump took office. The final three were written 9/4/2017 and reflect more experience with the Trump administration. Minor changes were made to earlier poems at the same time to make them conform to a conventional haiku structure.

— LED, 9/4/2017

 

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