“L” is for Litigious

Doing business with Trump is quite risky;
He doesn’t like having to pay.

He’ll do anything to avoid it,
Then he’ll sue you to get his own way.

“M” is for Miserly

Isn’t it funny how Trump hates to spend money?
His fiscal ethics are few.

He has a way of avoiding the day
When his lawyers’ payments are due.

“N” is for Nasty

Trump’s rhetoric’s always incredibly mean;
He’s fond of calling his enemies names.

He gleefully mocks the differently abled
And attacks using false but embarrassing claims.

“O” is for Old

Trump’s speeches very often don’t make any sense,
Yet his ranting is loud and bold.

His word salads possibly should be excused,
As the man is incredibly old.

“P” is for Paranoid

Trump’s done nothing wrong; he’s constantly right,
Though the Dems are out to get him.

He isn’t inclined to back down from a fight,
But indictments have really upset him.

“Q” is for Quisling

Trump spouts about making America great,
But Russia helped get Trump elected.

He likes each repressive or strongman-led state,
And would see NATO links disconnected.

“R” is for Racist

Trump’s not a fan of Black Lives Matter;
We worry where his feeling resides.

The Charlottesville rally really wasn’t so bad:
Good people, he found, on both sides.

“S” is for Sadistic

Trump’s policies aren’t the least bit kind:
Girls who abort should be punished, no doubt;

People here falsely should not be just fined;
Those not invited should be promptly thrown out.

“T” is for Tacky

Trump’s sense of aesthetics is easy to please;
For complexity he gives not a fig.

His rules for loveliness are quite simply these:
Is it gold, labeled “Trump,” is it big?

“U” is for Unreliable

Trump policies’ consistency is not to be trusted;
For every election, his views are adjusted.

He approves of abortion, and then he doesn’t;
Was for a grand ban, and then he wasn’t.

“V” is for Vulgar

Donald Trump isn’t cultured; he isn’t genteel;
He has an unpolished and unpleasant appeal.

He speaks of his penis, his IQ, his money;
He often is clownish without being funny.

“W” is for Womanizer

For Trump, all women are toys for his pleasure,
And marriage never inhibits his ways

Of seeking, between comely legs, the treasure
Of those who fall victim to his lecherous gaze.

“X” is for Xenophobic

Trump dislikes people who come from away,
Like people from south of the border.

Though Scandinavians may be OK,
All others just bring us disorder.

“Y” is for Yellow

Trump thinks you’re a fool if you die for your country,
A fate you can duck if you’re smart.

Bone spurs are helpful, if they can be shown,
To keep you and the Army apart.

“Z” is for Zealous

Trump’s ardor is never in question
With which he intends to inspire.

But his passions give some indigestion,
As it’s not what most voters desire.

And there you have the ABCs

Of an American political offender,

A felon exposing a civic disease:

Support for a pernicious contender.

Donald Trump isn’t competent, caring, or nice;

He’s selfish, rapacious, and cold.

Having chosen him once, we cannot choose him twice.

He is dangerous, wicked, and old.

The Republic has stood for many a year

And survived many crises and war.

But now we must face trepidation and fear:

Can democracy endure anymore?

We have to act boldly our nation to save

Lest the flag of surrender be ours to wave.

I don’t know exactly when I began writing these poems. Some of them were written while Donald Trump was still in the White House. I have slowly worked my way through the alphabet, and I’ve posted partial alphabets along the way. As we approach the 2024 presidential election, it seemed important to finish this project as quickly as possible. I achieved that 6/25/2024. Since then, I have made numerous improvements, and I hope that my alphabet is not finished.

My initial list of Donald Trump’s faults was considerably more than 26 items long. As I approached the end of the alphabet, I noticed that I had neglected to select a property for Y. A friend suggested “yellow,” and a linear search through a dictionary convinced me that she had identified the only possible descriptor. For many letters, however, I had choices to make.

Constructing this alphabet involved dealing with a number of problems. First, there was the list of descriptors that were to appear in poem titles. Generally, I found adjectives, but, in some cases, I had to resort to using nouns (“fibber,” “quisling,” and “womanizer”). Then there was the dual problem of making poems fit their titles and avoiding poems addressing the same or very similar properties. An example of the choices I had to make is instructive.

The poem that became “‘W’is for Womanizer” was intended to be “‘S’ is for Sexist.” I decided that the poem did not capture that property well and that a poem about sexism was perhaps too closely related. Thus, I wrote “‘S’ is for Sadistic.” With few exceptions, however, the 26 poems were written in alphabetical order.

When I began, I had not decided to write poems in a particular form. In fact, all the poems are four lines long, but they exhibit three different rhyme schemes and several different rhythms.

I hope readers enjoy these poems as much as I enjoyed writing them. I regret that certain terms are omitted, for example, “querulous” or “petulant.” As ever, e-mail feedback (see below) is welcome.